Devil's Dictionary

A TGS Reprint in a LARGE PRINT EDITION! In large 16 point Roman font, Ambrose Bierce's Devil's Dictionary will continue to be one of the most talked about dictionaries for all time. It's tongue-in-cheek, dry-witted, sarcasm is uplifting to the soul and spirit in a manner that makes anyone who reads this book THINK! His humor, written in the early 1900's, is still applicable to the social conscience of this world, particularly America.

Excerpt:

ABDOMEN, n. The temple of the god Stomach, in whose worship, with sacrificial rights, all true men engage. From women this ancient faith commands but a stammering assent. They sometimes minister at the altar in a half-hearted and ineffective way, but true reverence for the one deity that men really adore they know not. If woman had a free hand in the world's marketing the race would become graminivorous.

ABSOLUTE, adj. Independent, irresponsible. An absolute monarchy is one in which the sovereign does as he pleases so long as he pleases the assassins. Not many absolute monarchies are left, most of them having been replaced by limited monarchies, where the sovereign's power for evil (and for good) is greatly curtailed, and by republics, which are governed by chance.

IDIOT, n. A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human affairs has always been dominant and controlling. The Idiot's activity is not confined to any special field of thought or action, but "pervades and regulates the whole." He has the last word in everything; his decision is unappealable. He sets the fashions and opinion of taste, dictates the limitations of speech and circumscribes conduct with a dead-line.

MONDAY, n. In Christian countries, the day after the baseball game.

MOUTH, n. In man, the gateway to the soul; in woman, the outlet of the heart.

NEIGHBOR, n. One whom we are commanded to love as ourselves, and who does all he knows how to make us disobedient.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

OCEAN, n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man -- who has no gills.

ORTHODOX, n. An ox wearing the popular religious joke.

PRELATE, n. A church officer having a superior degree of holiness and a fat preferment. One of Heaven's aristocracy. A gentleman of God.

QUEEN, n. A woman by whom the realm is ruled when there is a king, and through whom it is ruled when there is not.

RATTLESNAKE, n. Our prostrate brother, Homo ventrambulans.